Have you ever been chatting with a friend, having fun and all, and then they go and make some joke or reference that you don't get or misinterpret?
Anyway, when people don't just laugh it off and behave in a sociable fashion there's that awkward silence that follows. I hate that awkward silence - it is extremely effective of killing all the fun you were having. Especially if said conversation is online and then they disappear after the awkward silence - note that, while difficult, I do know people who can disappear almost as effecively in face-to-face conversations.
The thing is, the very act of disappearing can make the other person feel like they did something wrong. Now, let's face it - no-one was wrong here, just crossed wires... not even that. And maybe they feel like an idiot (who knows) but the fact is I don't know and if we had just continued chatting it's possible that we both could have left in a good mood. I don't know, maybe they did leave in a good mood - the point is that the disappearing is annoying.
Well, maybe annoying isn't the right word - I tend to feel really tired and irritated in a I-need-rest way when people annoy me unintentionally.
(Of course said friend won't see this seeing as you don't know about this blog and if you do see this it will probably be so far in the future that you will have forgotten.
Stupid boy.
[Note: The friend is not stupid because he is a boy - he is a friend who is at this current moment stupid and just happens to be a boy. Just clearing that up - most of my friends are boys. Actually for the most part this friend is awesome - I've just had too many people pull this to not have a small tantrum at my computer screen.])
(And no, I don't know what could have been said afterwards... just not disappearing. ._.)
Funnily enough this friend doesn't seem to think I have a temper - probably because they've never seen me mad at people and disappear when I'm mad at them before they are alerted to that fact. -_-
In my opinion one should never assume that someone is happy all the time or never gets mad - it will only lead to trouble. Think about it: if you honestly think that someone hasn't got a temper then your behaviour will be different. Hell, even if you think so jokingly - these things still have a subtle effect on your mind. You become less careful - I mean, you know what annoys your friends, yes? So you don't approach those subjects for the most part. If you act as though said friend doesn't have a temper then you don't have any reason to not approach the subjects. Eventually they won't take it anymore.
Society discourages showing your temper, and a lot of people have reasons to hide it. For instance I have a very bad temper - when I'm mad stuff flies. So, naturally, I don't want people to see that side of me. I don't want to accidentally hurt my friends or scare them off. So, it's hidden beneath a goodly amount of smiles and snark. I'd imagine that a few other people do this. It's like... poking at a pet cat - yeah, for the most part she'll ignore you and try to sleep but one day she'll turn around and try to scratch your face off. Also, it's bloody insensitive to your friend. I'm not saying "thread on eggshells", just that when you do know a person's hang-ups don't press them. You may see this as logical but I know plenty of people who cannot grasp this simple comment.
On a similar note (related to the "don't assume a person doesn't have a temper" thought), just don't put people up on pedestals. A human is a human - they have their good points, and they have their flaws. It makes them... them.
I have been put on at least pedestal twice that I can think of - people aren't meant to be on them. We can't balance.
The first example is a guy who had a crush on me - he was really sweet but he didn't know me very well and he refused the idea that I could have flaws. No matter what I said or did, it was taken as Gospel or in the most flattering light. His self-esteem suffered because he was comparing everything he did to this fantasy girl he had built up. Occasionally it'd become obvious that I didn't measure up, even in a couple of simple things - like not knowing about a famous failed acquisition. He was quite disappointed that I didn't know.
The second example is an old friend of mine because I was one of their nicer friends. It got to the point that any mistake I made, no matter how small, was a great betrayal. No matter how many promises I kept or favours I did, it wouldn't measure up to the few I forgot. This is because my failings proved that I didn't fit the role they had chosen for me. And because of how mad and sad they'd get I'd try to change - not just small things, like remembering they don't like some meme, but the bigger things too. You can only change so much before you lose you.
"I'm a snapshot of the person that you think I ought to be."
Putting people on pedestals does quite a few things: it can damage your self-esteem (as in the first example), it sets you up for disappointment, it puts undeserved pressure on the other person, and, most importantly, it doesn't make them a person anymore. It makes them a statue, a painting, a snapshot, some other appropriate metaphor. You're no longer dealing with a person whom you could be friends or lovers with - you're dealing with a fantasy.
You're Pygmalion and you've fallen in love with your statue - the person in front of you is just something you're trying to carve to fit it.
Actually, that metaphor is quite a good one - it shows how wrong the situation is. The person should be the model on which you base your statue - not the other way around. Even in real life cases of art, where the masterpiece is more aesthetically pleasing than the model is, the artist never tries to make the model live up to the statue - he found a model to suit his idea. In terms of people, you don't find just anyone and try to fit them to what you want them to be - you find a person who fills that need just the way they are. And sometimes you find someone a person who fills a place you didn't know needed filling. I like it when that happens. :)
Anyway, I think when you meet people you shouldn't look at them through rose-tinted glasses. When you do so, you're just looking at an illusion. I'm not saying actively look for their flaws, but just... keep an eye out for them. A person's flaws explains their personality and behaviour as much as their strengths do and it is only by getting to know both that you will get to know the person. Assumption of anything means that you're not looking at something anymore.
"People should be doubted. Trust is giving up on trying to understand others."
This quote comes from the Liar Game - it was told to me by the friend I was mad at when I started this post... who, incidentally, I'm not mad at anymore. Realizing that I may have put them on a small pedestal... at least for the day - it was a pretty annoying day. And yeah, I was probably a bit irrational at the beginning - but I'm lucid now and that's good. Funny how venting does that - much better than bottling it up until it becomes an actual problem.
Also, just because you acknowledge the flaws it doesn't mean you have to like them - just that you have friends with flaws you don't mind or can at least tolerate. No-one's perfect.
Huh... this post actually ended up kinda informative after all.
... I don't have to give my friend indirect credit for the part of this post that was actually useful, do I? :P
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