Fair Weather Friends

This is another impromptu rant. About some newly ex-friends rather than the one I was unjustly mad with last times. This one does not result in unintentional philospical gems like the last one - it's just a rant. If you want the conclusion without the ranting, scroll to the last paragraph.

You know what's the problem with being mad at friends? You can't rant to another friend about them because you have very few ways of ensuring that the information doesn't get back to the friend you're ranting about.
Hence why I'm here - only one friend knows about this and she's extremely trustworthy.

Now, I had these two friends - one boy and one girl.

Now, the first one I would spend ages talking over his girl problems with him - he had a crush on a friend, you see. Anyway, he and this friend lived far away from eachother and she wasn't sure if she wanted to pursue a relationship with him. He would come to me and actually ask why he bothered talking to her. They had been friends for ages and he was thinking about dropping her because she didn't want to date him. He would come to me at least once a week with some problem about her and moaning about how he was incapable of change.
He was 17 - if you're incapable of change at 17 then you have problems. Anyway, I'd spend my time trying to give him advice and help (like reminding him that he is the girl's friend above all else) but if I even had a slight problem he'd make an excuse not to be available - like apparently needing to sleep at all times of day. The one time he went to give me any advice is when I confessed a crush on a different friend after which I got the advice of "Confess but don't pursue it" and used his relationship ship with his crush as an example of it being functional. Functional you say? I could have sworn I had spent the last 4 months listening to him complain about how hard it was. Needless to say, advice not taken.
The thing with this friend was that he'd only contact me when he had a problem. Any other pieces of contact would be him either making fun of my religion (Catholic - most of my friends are Athiests but he picked a fight about religion on fucking Easter - the most holy day on the calender. Worst timing ever - made worse by the fact that he's an ex-Catholic so he knew about that), being antagonistic, or doing the whole "it's not my fault that people don't think I'm funny" thing.

He also happens to be one of those assholes who will hear about what your plans are and say "well that won't work" but not actually say anything useful - as though he had some sort of golden gift of observation that only he could see that we might fail. Did he consider that we'd tried everything else and this was a last ditch attempt - nope. It's not like we told him that or anything - oh wait, we did.


I don't know what happened with the girl. She just decided to stop talking to me. Actually, she's the one I mentioned in the Pygmalion entry - so maybe she just didn't like that I didn't fit the model.

Now, I'll say a few things about me. I like weird things, as you may have noticed (trust me, it just gets weirder). I like monsters, crime shows, "cynical" fantasy, memes, and Alice Madness Returns. This friend did not like the things I liked - I did not mind this. She did. And I don't mean in "huh, well I don't like those things but it's okay if you do" - she was full on "I don't like these things and I don't like that you do and I don't understand why anyone would like these things". But for some reason she still wanted to be friends with me and I liked her so I didn't mind. Boy I was such a pushover.
I was not allowed to bring up any of those things while talking with her. Or near her. Or while hanging out with friends who liked that stuff while she was there. Even in online conversations she got pissed off with me for explaining a meme to a person who asked about it. Anyway, she got even more controlling. I'm a night owl - this was unacceptable. If she found any evidence that I was awake after 11:30pm she wouldn't let up. But I curbed my sleeping hours, and stuck to her other restrictions. The one thing I forgot (read a webcomic she didn't like) was held against me for over 6 months. Oh, and I brought up my crush in conversation maybe 3 to 5 times during our entire acquantaince (that's be less than once a month) and apparently I talked about him all the time.
Anyway, just last month all interactions become short and curt on her end, eventually just restricted to online stuff - all answered with "Yup" and "OK". Also, it's not like a bugged her every day or something - I thought she needed space so I gave her a few days between communications, and then a week, etc. Actual increase. Same answers - "Yup" and "OK".

What probably actually annoys me the most here is the overlap between the two friends. The other thing that the two would contact me to complain about was each other. As a matter of fact when I asked the first one if he had talked to the girl he had said that she had gotten distant - except when I asked yesterday to find out that she had become quite "affable". Well, apparently not affable to me - unless the definition has radically changed in the last month.
What was extremely annoying was that he was acting as though it was my fault that I was getting tired of being screwed around for - this is the guy who I had to reassure almost fortnightly that just because someone disagrees with you once it doesn't mean you can't be friends. Oh, also the same guy who complained that listening to someone's problems more than once a fortnight was emotionally draining... you know, as he complained to me once a week.

What do these friend have in common? I'll tell you. The both view their problems as worse than every else's - admittedly they do have problems that other people don't have (the girl especially) but they veiw every single one of their problems as far worse than everyone else's. If you came to them with a problem and wanted to vent you would get belittled, as though they were just waiting for you to have a problem so they could get even with all the help you've provided them. If you were ranting they would take even the slightest expression of anger and use it as a sign of your "mental instability" - even saying that you hated someone was a problem.
They both view you liking anything they don't like as a personal offense, and the same goes for not liking anything they like (e.g. the guy likes beer, I don't and I like chocolate and he doesn't. I said "beer isn't my thing" and he gave me a detailed desrciption on how he finds chocolate disgusting).
While both Athiests, unlike my other Athiest friends with whom I have a mutual respect they will say "sure I respect you" and then proceed to tell me why they think I'm an idiot. There's a difference between respecting someone's beliefs and disagreeing with them and what they did - I respect a lot of beliefs but disagree with them, the friends know I take a different stand and we don't go and rub it in each other's faces. Anyway, they would use this on any belief they disagreed with - for instance neither like the notion of marriage, so while they would say "I'm not telling you want to do but - [long rant on why they think marriage is stupid and anyone who gets married is stupid]". It wouldn't even be diplomatic - it would actually use words like stupid. THIS IS NOT RESPECTING ANYONE'S OPINION IN ANYTHING EXCEPT SAYING "I RESPECT YOUR OPINION".

Anyway, the thing is I didn't notice half this stuff until after the event because in between they would be nice and friendly - but not giving.

If you've read this far, there is no point in being an all-giving entity. When you have friends, no matter how much you like them and even if you think they've had it rough so deserving of an ear, make sure they give a little too. If they don't then you're just being taken for granted or villified in some way that you don't know about yet. It doesn't take a lot to show another person that you appreciate their presence (hey, I smile when a friend links me to a youtube clip they think I may like) - so if they can't even manage that then you should really reconsider the friendship before it rips you to pieces. I lost too many tears over those two.