Self Fulfilling Prophecy

When one hears the phrase "self fulfilling prophecy" most mythology buffs will immediately think of the story of Oedipus - the boy who heard that he will kill is father and marry his mother, prompting him to leave town to spare his parents who were actually his adoptive parents and thus actually end up killing his biological father and marrying his biological mother. There is also the fact that the whole reason he was left on that hillside was because his father heard a prophecy that he would be killed by his son.

Actually come to think of it an awful lot of kings get that prophecy thrown at them.

Another example is Paris of Troy - Paris was a shephard after his parents abandoned him to the wilderness because the queen dreamt that she gave birth to a firebrand who would bring Troy to ashes. Zeus chose Paris to judge the the beauty contest that the goddesses were having because he was a humble shepherd. If not for that prophecy Troy wouldn't have burned. (Actually, the Trojan war can be traced back to a curse many generations prior on another household but suffice it to say that that the stars were not aligned favourably. :P)

One final example is actually from Norse mytholgy - Odin was told that Loki and his children would bring about the end of the world. So what did he do? Lock up all of Loki's kids and have everyone shun the guy. Gee, I wonder why the god of Mischief slowly got evil and at least three of his kids grow to hate Odin. (Fun fact: Loki was actually benevolent - one myth I stumbled across actually had a poor couple ask Tyr and Odin for help in saving their sons from giants only to have those two give up after failing once. When they prayed to Loki, he actually fixed the problem permanently.)

Anyway, you are probably wondering why I related these tales to you. It's because these "prophecies" aren't just restricted to mythology or fantasy - they are very much applicable to real life.
If you look at each of the above examples the prophecies aren't predicting happy dreams of fluffy bunnies and spiders - they're all about destruction, death, and general negativity. They're about fear. We may as well call them "self fulfilling fears", which is actually what I wish to talk about.

Now, a lot of us have a fear of some sort: I, myself, have a fear of falling. (No, not a fear of heights - that would be irrational...) However, the fears I wish to discuss are the psychological ones (yes, I know all fears are psychological but I mean the ones that aren't a fear of a physical thing... or lack of thing). For instance a fear of heights falling is hardly self fulfilling.

This is hardly a new concept - it's all over the place in sociology (and time travel). I'm just putting it in one place and chatting about it. (It is also in economics but I will cover that subject in more depth in a later post.)

Since most people are familiar with the Pygmalion effect (treat someone one way, or expect someone to do something and they will meet your expectations - e.g. Loki) we won't dwell on it, mainly because it's the Reflexivity Theory that is most relevant here. It's where you believe something will happen, so you react in accordance to that belief thus bringing about that belief (also present in the Loki myth). (Economics example is that if you believe prices will fall you will sell - this causes supply to increase and demand to either decrease or remain unchanged, either way the prices will fall.)

I will use three examples of fear to explain:

Fear 1: Abandonment.
Now someone thinks that their friends or family members will eventually leave them - perhaps this belief is founded, perhaps not but that's not the point. Depending on the individual there would be two more common reactions - clinginess (must hold onto them while I can) or distance (mustn't get attached because they'll go away). Blah blah clinginess makes people want to have their space blah blah - discussed to death. In the case of distance this makes the people around that person wonder what is wrong but the fact that they keep getting stonewalled will make them think that they are not wanted and so the will eventually leave. There we go, "abandonment".

Fear 2: Not Good Enough
This is one I saw recently. Now, keep in mind that the idea of "good enough" is subjective. The person believes that they "ruin good people" or "don't deserve good people" - good being their own definition. So, they settle for what they believe are "bad people" because it's what they think they deserve and further indulge in "bad behaviour" - rending thing unworthy (in their minds) of said "good people". Eventually they may actually become unappealing to the "good people" if these behaviours are that opposite those of the "good people" (not saying the "good people will look down on them but just that they don't want to date them - there's a difference). Self-fulfilling.
(The main thing in this one is that they really believe this and that nothing they can do will ever make them worthy - that is their fear.)

Fear 3: Crushing Rejection (pun!)
Suppose you have a crush on a friend, maybe a new friend. Now, obviously you really like them and you don't want to scare them off by declaring it. You want to be sure first. So you wait a while and guess what? You really do like them. But you also like them as a friend and, just like before, you don't want to ruin the friendship. At the same time you don't want to be stuck in the "friend zone" for eternity but the "ruin the friendship" fear is greater. So you don't say anything and the crush gets worse as you get more and more attached and hence more and more afraid to confess. This one isn't so much self fulfilling as it is self stagnanting. A vicious cycle where the fear feeds itself.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be wary of these things, but being afraid of them results in more harm than good... such as the fear itself or stagnation. A wariness would be much better served - so that the first prson doesn't push people away, so that the second seeks to correct what they see as "bad behaviour" rather than fall into it, and so that the third isn't so paralyzed.

The last thing I said about Fear 3 was that the fear feeds itself - the same goes for them all. Fear 1 gets more rejection, and Fear 2 becomes more "unworthy". They all dig themselves into a deeper pit from which it becomes very difficult to emerge from.

Fear... it's pointless. Wariness isn't - you should be cautious. Fear for your life is ok - that's instinct. But these other fears feed themselves and grow. Even "fear of failure" results in a crash and burn scenario from overwork, or failure at something they neglected (usually a personal life). But yeah - fear is self fulfilling, so don't give it the satisfaction. As you can see with the above examples, it's very difficult to get out once you're in.

(P.S. It's Monday here so... I'm still adhering to my schedule.)

Addendum: Fear 3 is not a bad thing so long as it's weariness and not fear. Not confessing because you're scared is silly; not confessing for other reasons is not. For instance, if you know your friend doesn't feel the same way (duh), if you're not sure how they feel (this is not a "scared" thing - the fact is that they may feel pressured into reciprocating those feelings or it could get awkward for them. It should be more about how your news will effect them.), or, and this is a nice one, you are happy being "just" friends with them and value that over the possibility of a romantic relationship. There is nothing wrong with friendship after all.

I just felt I had to clarify that.