Music: Who Am I Living For?

Oh hush - I know it's Katy Perry but I happen to like this song. >_>

 Katy Perry - Who Am I Living For?



I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat,
Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah...

I am ready for the road less traveled;
Suiting up for my crowning battle.
This test is my own cross to bear
But I will get there.

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called;
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall.
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name...

I can see the writing on the wall:
I can't ignore this war.
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can feel this light that's inside of me.
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning:
I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah...

So I pray for a favour like Esther:
I need your strength to handle the pressure.
I know there will be sacrifice,
But that's the price.

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called;
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall.
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name...

I can see the writing on the wall:
I can't ignore this war.
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can see the writing on the wall:
I can't ignore this war.
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown;
Don't let the greatness get you down.
Heavy is the head that wears the crown;
Don't let the greatness get you down.

I can see the writing on the wall:
I can't ignore this war.
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can see the writing on the wall:
I can't ignore this war.
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?

At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?
At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?

ASPD, Definitions, and Inflicted Insight

I know I did a post on Anti-Social Personality Disorder but I just wanted to clear up a couple of things. I recently heard a "statistic" that "1 in 25 people are sociopaths". Now, let's remember that sociopathy is considered a subdivision of ASPD and 3% of men and 1% of women are diagnosed with the disorder. The world is roughly 50/50, so the total probability is actually 2% (1.5% + 0.5%). That makes it 1 in 50.

But moving on from that, there is a reason I brough this up - these same "statistic" was mentioned in the context where the author was saying that 1 in 25 people are completely without empathy. Not only that, they credit the World Health Organization (ICD) for this. But wait! Let's take another look at the diagnosis criteria...

(quoted from my prior post, which contains the links)

Under the DSM-IV

A) There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three or more of the following:

1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
2. deception, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
3. impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead;
4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others;
6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another;

B) The individual is at least age 18 years.

C) There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 16 years.

D) The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode. 

Under ICD-10 (where it is classified under the similar Dissocial Personality Disorder)

It is characterized by at least 3 of the following:

1. Callous unconcern for the feelings of others
2. Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.
3. Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them
4. Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.
5. Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment.
6. Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society

Why am I bringing this up again? Because for each person who references the World Health Organization to say that sociopaths (sufferers of antisocial personality disorder) lack empathy, they seem to forget the simple phrases "at least 3" and "three or more". Only one symptom in the DSMV and two in the ICD-10 roughly correspond to lack of empathy. This means that it's possible for the not to have lack of empathy has a symptom. Now, of course I don't know the probability and relationships between each symptom but the point is that it is possible! But hey, congratulations world - you're just stereotyped another group of people based one aspect that subdivision of them have.


Furthermore, I would like to draw attention to some symptoms these being:

1. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another;
2. Markedly prone to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society

 While if you take many of the symptoms aside they can appear to be somewhat normal behaviour, I wanted to draw special attention to this. Now, very few people will try to hurt a person for the sake of hurting a person - most will rationalize it with things like "they deserved it", "it wasn't that bad", or "it was for the better". How many times is this actually true and not just people trying to feel less guilty. Again, look at the wording - specifically in point one: "lack of remorse or ..."

A sufferer of ASPD can feel remorse, but just rationalize a misdeed - like "sane" people do. So... is this behaviour sane? Even blaming others - "If my boss hadn't fired me...", if this, if that. These are possible symptoms of what people like to call sociopathy.

But the ones that reach the media are dramatic and extremely negative - portraying the worst of a group of people who, quite frankly, are mostly normal. However, as a friend pointed out, there may be another reason why the least glamorous symptoms are the ones that are emphasized, and next to no attention towards the more commonplace ones.

Nobody wants to draw attention to their own potentially sociopathic behaviour. This is an especially good point when combined with the idea of "inflicted insight" - the idea of exposing the less savoury or comfortable facets of a person's own psyche and forcing them to confront them. I've mentioned the Milgram Experiment before, where participants pretty much blindly followed orders to electrocute another person - many of those same participants (84%) thanked the people running the experiment for showing them that side of them and helping them realize that they needed to question their own actions more, and 15% were neutral.

And yet inflicted insight is veiwed as a bad thing. Could this be why people ignore the more mundane symptoms? Because people don't want to know that they aren't so different from the sociopaths they so revile?

In order to solve a problem, it actually needs to be acknowledged first.

"Do I look like a man with a plan to you?"

Well, since I'm a girl I'd certainly hope not. I do however, have a plan of sorts.

Okay... I'm finishing semester this week so posting should resume as normal. It might even take on something that vaguely resembes a schedule again.
Topics I plan on covering include:

• At least three more Disturbing the Disturbed posts:
• Disassociative Identity Disorder
• Schitzophrenia
• Psychosis
• Female characters in fiction
• Twilight versus Paranormalcy (something I just find amusing)
• My take on truth, facts, and our perception of reality.
• Nothing political - yep, this is more of a reminder that I will not rant about political/social movements I dislike.
• Though if I can link it in to lack of empathy then I will probably end up discussing it anyway.
• The Seven Deadly Sins
• And how certain mental/psychological situations contribute or detract from them
• Sexuality and Perceptions - a personal take on it with some statistics thrown in.
• Possibly music once a week. Deciding whether or not I should shamelessly steal that idea from a friend... except mine will reflect my mood rather than anything deep and meaningful.

So... yeah. I have promised to try and cover these topics so that is what I shall do! The highest probabilties of success go to the DtD series, Twilight, and the Truth post.

Anyway, until next week,

Cheers.

Music: Nobody's Home

Sometimes “home” doesn’t really exist...



 Avril Lavigne - Nobody’s Home







Well, I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way;
She felt it every day.

And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems...
Don't know where she belongs,
Where she belongs...

She wants to go home
But nobody's home.
That's where she lies:
Broken inside.

With no place to go,
No place to go,
To dry her eyes:
Broken inside.

Open your eyes
And look outside:
Find the reasons why...

You've been rejected
And now you can't find
What you've left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems...
Don't know where she belongs,
Where she belongs...

She wants to go home
But nobody's home.
That's where she lies:
Broken inside.

With no place to go,
No place to go,
To dry her eyes:
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides;
Her dreams she can't find;
She's losing her mind;
She's falling behind!

She can't find her place;
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place, yeah!

She wants to go home
But nobody's home.
That's where she lies
Broken inside.

With no place to go,
No place to go,
To dry her eyes:
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside!
Oh, oh.
She's lost inside, lost inside!
Oh, oh, oh.

Music: Lift

Evaluation final:

• illusionist;
• dreamer;
• menace to society.

 Poets of the Fall - Lift












Times when I just can't
Bring myself to say it loud
'Fraid that what I'll say comes out somehow awry

That is when it seems
We move in circles day to day
Twist the drama of the play to get us by

And it feels like fear
Like I'll disappear
Gets so hard to steer
Yet I go on
Do we need debate
When it seems too late
Like I bleed but wait
Like nothing's wrong

You lift my spirit, take me higher, make me fly,
Touch the moon up in the sky, when you are mine
You lift me higher, take my spirit, make it fly,
Where all new wonders will appear

Like the other day
I thought you won't be coming back
I came to realize my lackluster dreams

And among the schemes
And all the tricks we try to play
Only dreams will hold their sway and defy

And it feels like fear
Like I'll disappear
Gets so hard to steer
Yet I go on
Do we need debate
When it seems too late
Like I bleed but wait
Like nothing's wrong

You lift my spirit, take me higher, make me fly,
Touch the moon up in the sky, when you are mine
You lift me higher, take my spirit, make it fly,
Where all new wonders will appear

A Rant About Personal Rubbish (feel free to ignore)

Okay... time to shout at cyberspace because if I don't I think I may actually hit someone. Multiple times. In the face. With a hammer.

Now, I won't use names... because I'm a grown-up so I should be above name dropping.

Now, my younger sister is a nice girl. Yeah, she has a temper, is flirty, and can be extremely stubborn. But she's a good person. She helps her friends, she stands up for them, she's kind, and a lot of other nice things. However, there is one friend who has been a consistent jackass to her and is the ONLY person I know who's insults have actually made her cry. We'll call him... J. Anyway, J has a long list of indiscretions which in my opinion warranted dropping him like a bad joke ages ago. These include: blatantly using my sister to get answers for homework, regularly insulting her in front of her other friends (not "ha ha friendly ribbing" insults - actual malicious ones), attempting to instigate a friends-with-benefits relationship with her while in a monogamous relationship, and a few other things. However, I wish to rant about two major issues.

Anyway, last year she got a crush on one of her friends and felt safe in telling one of her other friends this. The friend she told is the person I would like to hit. You see, she asked this friend if he could subtly find out if the first friend had similar feelings towards her. At the time he then reported back a little later saying that the friend did not reciprocate... while laughing.

It was recently found that he didn't "subtly" find out - he told the friend that she had a crush on him and asked. Now, I suppose that's forgivable, but the laughing while hurting my sister's feelings? Not so much.

Especially... bad when his girlfriend admitted that he told her about this and they both had a good laugh about it. She was apparently proud of this.

Next issue. the girlfriend, J, and my sister share a mutual friend, T, who loves trains. So my sister came up with the idea to order him in a custom-made train from England with his name on it for his birthday. However, this would be expensive so she gathered a few of T's friends to pay for it - only $33 each. It was a Facebook arrangement so there were some people she didn't know personally - but that was okay, because J and his GF did! Right? Despite the fact that they only had to contact 2 of the 8 people involved in the event they didn't do it - they were busy. Now... my sister attends college with them  - she knew their classes and their jobs and exactly how much free time they had. Now, I'm not saying that they should have dropped everything to get this - but they had 3 weeks to arrange 15 minutes to collect money from 2 people. Not exactly difficult. My sister ended up getting it done herself so that she could order in the train.

They insisted on a number of things - such as getting my sister's bank details. No. Just... no. There is such a thing called privacy and having a person's bank details is a serious thing. Not to mention them knowing that there was no way in Hell that my mum would let that happen.

Several delays on the train company's behalf occurred and the price changed - because of the Pound/Dollar exchange rate. The increase was somewhere between $50 and $80 but my sister covered the difference - she wasn't gonna go and track down a few dollars from each person. Note: this was not a detail she disclosed to T, but she did tell it to J and GF, saying that it was okay.

Now, the train finally arrives so it has to be given to T. T's birthday was in April, which was also when he was informed about the gift by the whole group. It is now basically June. So maybe, just maybe, we want to get the present to him as soon as possible? Sister tries to get J and a few others around to be there for the "giving of the gift". However after one botched chance, sister informs them that as soon as sees T he will be given the gift. I have a Facebook page full of "Okay - that'd be great :)" in front of me to prove that pretty much everyone agreed. Miss GF didn't see until after it occurred (today), so she then promptly sent my sister an abusive message (where she revealed that she and J laughed it up earlier). I would be understanding of this, if not for the following.

The GF has declared herself T's "best friend" - not that I say "declared". Well, I would hardly call someone T's best friend if they not only admitted that "If J wasn't chipping in [she] wouldn't have even bothered". She often complained about how inconvenient the entire event was for her despite the fact that she was only asked to do one thing which ended up being done by my sister anyway.

As I see it, she just wanted to take credit. Also having met her more than a few times, by "take credit" I mean take ALL the credit. I will mention that my sister was not the only person present at the "gift giving".

Anyway in this conversation somehow culminated in the GF calling my sister a coward. Now, I've read the conversation about... 5 times already and I only see one train of thought that could have lead to it (that being afraid to confess about having a crush - then again, it was a crush on one of her best friends so a degree of awkwardness can be expected) but it bore no relevance whatsoever on the whole train thing. This GF has also often accused my sister of being cruel to J - the guy who she helps with his homework regularly, listens to him bitching about GF, hangs out with (for some god-unknown reason), and you know, is a friend to.

Their friendship is over, and I'm fine with that - J treats a lot of his friends like shit and it's about time one of them walked away. What annoys me the most though is that while my sister is friends with a lot of people, none of them have been able to do more than give sympathetic hugs at best or tell her that she's being extreme at worst. These people who are only Facebook friends with J and the GF - as in, "I friended you and invited you because you are friends with so-and-so". These people who have seen J treat my sister like shit and who she has actually cried to them about.

Anyway, this rant is done... it's just...

Is this how people treat friends?

Mood Music: Angels

More music, reflecting my current mood. Damn you melancholy distrust thing, I have enough on my plate without dealing with silly emotions.


 Within Temptation - Angels



Sparkling angel, I believedYou were my savior in my time of need.Blinded by faith, I couldn’t hearAll the whispers, the warnings so clear.  I see the angels, I’ll lead them to your door.There’s no escape now, no mercy, no more.No remorse ’cause I still rememberThe smile when you tore me apart! You took my heart:Deceived me right from the start.You showed me dreams;I wished they’d turn into realYou broke a promise and made me realize:It was all just a lie! Sparkling angel, I couldn’t seeYour dark intentions, your feelings for me.Fallen angel, tell me why,What is the reason, the thorn in your eye? I see the angels, I’ll lead them to your door.There’s no escape now, no mercy, no more.No remorse, ’cause I still rememberThe smile when you tore me apart! You took my heart:Deceived me right from the start.You showed me dreams;I wished they’d turn into real.You broke the promise and made me realize:It was all just a lie! Could have been forever,Now we have reached the end! This world may have failed you;It doesn’t give you a reason why—You could have chosen a different path in life... The smile when you tore me apart! You took my heart:Deceived me right from the start.You showed me dreams;I wished they turn into real.You broke the promise and made me realizeIt was all just a lie! Could have been forever,Now we have reached the end...